May 23, 2011 by Sushi Bird
The anti-climax after finishing a test; everything is eerie and quiet and the words will not come to me. A thousand thoughts in my head, but no means to get them out. I find myself walking alone and contemplating everything I have ever done right or wrong, silently judging and praising and rethinking. I find myself jealous of all the people who … just are … – the masses of people who walk back and forth from work to home to work to friends, not thinking about the posture of their bodies, not thinking about the vast massiveness of things there is yet to learn. The people who do not plan what they will say in their next conversation, the people who get pleasantly surprised from being pleasantly surprised. I feel like my life is a fixer-upper-project, I am like one of those old apartments that you will spend a lifetime renovating. Once you are done panting one room, a pipe leaks, one you are done fixing the pipe, you changed your mind about the color of the room you just painted. And so it goes, day after day, trying to reinvent oneself to the best of one’s ability.